I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
sex in a hospital.. check
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
