he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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