A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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