shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
