She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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