just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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