Say something about gay babies.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
