he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
