So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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