It's Friday. Sex?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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