Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
