oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
