I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think my moral compass just broke
My life is pants optional.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
