Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
