he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sobbing to NWA
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
