someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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