Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this just has baby written all over it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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