I showed him my bush... on skype.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Terrible idea I love it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
