Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
