you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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