Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
