He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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