I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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