Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
there is puke in my bra ... again
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