I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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