So drunk its hurt
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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