What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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