When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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