My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like, not good at living.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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