In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
