I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
