She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
