Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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