i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
