She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
