you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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