Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
