Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
