I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
