Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
