My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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