i need an iv and a liver transplant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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