TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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