This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
