And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
