I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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