you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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