You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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