oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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