i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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