their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
