She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
