I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
