Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
