Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
