Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
