Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
