Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
