Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
