sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
