Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
