I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
