OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
