hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
